CRM Learns To Cook

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Day 1: Chicken Cordon Bleu

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For my first trick, I cooked chicken cordon bleu. Don’t worry, I didn’t get fancy real early in this experiment. I bought the chicken/ham/cheese combo at Fresh Market (I will reference them until they inevitably sponsor me. Whore whore whore! Also, a paypal link is coming soon!) and all I really had to do was plop them on the tray and not burn them. Easy enough.

The most important lesson of day 1 was to wash dishes. Regularly. Like, every single day. Living with roommates since I moved off campus, dishes always seem to pile up. Sometimes they’re mine. Most of the time they’re theirs.

I’m sure that’s how everyone who lives with someone feels. I’m sure my roommates look at the pile of dishes and think I’m responsible for most of them. I know my mother always felt that way. Of course, she was completely right. With roommates, its a gray area.

Dishes have a bitch of a snowball effect to them. Its as easy as throwing a spoon in the sink. Who would was a single spoon? Nobody just washes a spoon. There’s soap and a dishcloth involved. It would be insane to wash a spoon. Then somebody sets a PBR pint glass in the sink after having a glass of milk. (I’m not pointing any fingers) Then a plate. Then a fork and another spoon. Pretty soon, you’ve got a full sink and, well, f*** that noise. You wash the dishes. That’s when it really fills up. When it gets to the point where you can’t fill your Brita water pitcher without a detachable faucet, its high time to wash the f***ing dishes.

Well, it was high time to wash the f***ing dishes at my house. So I did the dishes. I really don’t know why its so bad. Dishes are so easy to do. All you have to do is stand in one spot and rub something with a cloth. You can listen to the radio or watch television. You can use your hands-free device to speak on the telephone. Or you can listen to your favorite podcast. (/nods at Rex)

Anyway, dishes clean and sink empty, I put the pre-constructed chicken cordon bleu in the oven. Then it was time for the waiting game. The most important thing to remember is to set the timer. Since I might not be in the kitchen when the timer went off, I also set the timer on my iPhone (Endorsement welcome!) so that when the duck started quacking (JS4life) I would know to take out the food. And darn it if that duck didn’t save the day. I couldn’t hear the oven beep over the radio. I was so proud of myself. Setting two alarms? How responsible is that? I bet you don’t learn about the two-timer method until third year of culinary school.

For sides, I warmed up carrots and green beans in the microwave. I made sure to leave them in the water from the can to keep the nutrients locked in. (That was also my plan to keep them as flavorful as possible.)

To drink, I had Batemans’ Mr. Greorge’s Ruby Porter. In fact, I had a couple of them. I figured since I was cooking that a little bit of the spirits were called for. It’s what… s***… Who wrote this cookbook that I haven’t even opened yet? Julee with two E’s and somebody… Anyway, I’m sure those two ladies enjoyed tipping one back while in the kitchen. After doing all those dishes, I figure I deserved it.

Oh, and the food was delicious. Two thumbs up from the girlfriend.

Written by Stephen Douglas

March 9, 2011 at 12:28 am

Posted in cheese, chicken, ham